Category: Relationships

During a recent visit with a single, forty-something friend of mine, the following question came up during our discussions (as I knew it would… as it always does…): “When you met your future husband, did he meet all your preconceived requirements for a perfect life partner?” Of course, I tried to steer the discussion in a different direction, evading the aforementioned question. Our talk veered off to more philosophical topics, resulting in an ample amount of introspection and self-discovery.

On my way home that afternoon, my friend’s question got me thinking about searching for “Mr. Right”. After careful consideration, I realized that it is of utmost importance to first know yourself well enough before searching for your life partner. It is crucial to know what your own preferences and pet peeves are, how you cope with stressful situations, what makes you tick, which environments you enjoy most, which qualities in others you struggle with and/or admire… the list is endless.

Our behaviour is often the result of our reaction to situations, environments and sensory input that needs to be processed by our brains. Processing of sensory information happens on a primitive, neurological level; it is not a conscious decision on how we’ll react to sensory stimuli but rather a subconscious one… it just happens.

Every person is unique in the way they process this information and therefore no two persons’ reactions will be identical in a given situation.

In general, people react in one of three ways:

• People with a low threshold can easily be over-stimulated by sensory stimuli
• People with a medium threshold are not severely influenced by sensory stimuli
• People with a high threshold need extra sensory input

Because of these varying sensory styles, we all prefer different types and amounts of input:

• Low thresholds prefer predictable input
• Medium thresholds are not severely influenced by sensory input
• High thresholds prefer adventurous input

… and different environments:

• Low thresholds prefer calmer environments
• Medium thresholds cope well with most environments
• High thresholds prefer more stimulating environments

So, coming back to my friend’s question, I’d have to be honest and say that finding my perfect life partner started with me figuring myself out first.

If you would like to learn more about your own sensory assessment, do our FREE Sensory Quiz™ and get a quick overview of your sensory thresholds.  For a comprehensive 26-page report, do your Sensory Matrix™.

When I met my husband years ago, I was introduced to the world of a practical, DIY, go-getter who doesn’t hesitate to dirty his hands to get the job done.  Initially, I’d get very excited at the prospect of tackling a new project around the house. The thought of spending time together doing something to enhance our love nest even sounded strangely romantic. The mental pictures I envisioned of the end product were always very appealing.

But (doesn’t there always seem to be a “but”?), becoming part of this go-getter’s world took some getting used to! Due to my low threshold for sensory stimuli, my first reaction to a proposed new project would usually be a cautious, firm handbrake sounding like: “But what about…”, “But have you thought about…?”, “But let me just check first…” or simply “I don’t think so!” Thankfully my hubby knows by now how to ease me into any new ideas and projects.

So, what is this difference in approach between people seeking extra sensory stimulation and those trying to avoid it (subconsciously of course), like myself?

• As a rule of thumb, sensory seekers enthusiastically create new projects in their minds and love sharing it. They have lots of plans, ideas and often excess initial energy. Imagine Donkey (from the Shrek movies) … FULL OF LIFE!
• On the other side, we have sensory avoiders who cautiously analyze these newly proposed projects, breaking it down to specific tasks and responsibilities and often getting fixated on intricate details. Enters Shrek!

I am often amazed (and exhausted) by a sensory seeker’s ability to not only come up with exciting ideas and plans but also their ability to give attention to simultaneous tasks, seeming to be in complete control of all the various activities… seeming… By closer inspection though, there’s often a task-oriented and logical sensory avoider running around behind the scenes, organising and arranging tasks to make things happen.

So, the question pops up: who is approaching the project best? Donkey or Shrek?  In my humble opinion, I believe the best approach is a joint venture where the seeker’s energetic go-getter ambition is complimented by the avoider’s organizational approach with an end result of magic projects!

Donkey will be lost without Shrek and Shrek will be missing out on life without Donkey.

To find out whether you’re a sensory seeker, -neutral, or – avoider, complete your Sensory Matrix™.