Being too busy and having no time have become this ridiculously insane norm which leaves us all flustered, stressed, angry, irritable and tired. This is relevant across all contexts – in your home, with your family, friends and colleagues. This is not a contest people – the busiest person with the least amount of time doesn’t really win. And what suffers the most? Your relationships!
The quality of your relationships is actually the ONLY thing that shows you are leading a good, happy and contented life. If you had only one day to live – think – you will spend it with your loved ones, won’t you? If you will go to work – then please stop reading right now and ignore this blog – you are lost!
I personally had some interesting experiences lately which left me saddened and grappling with this at the same time. Our Bookclub of 24 years is starting to disintegrate – we had two people this year “resigning”, saying that they are just too busy. I needed specialist help from a close friend a few months ago and although she promised to help, she did not because she was too busy.
Another friend offered to assist with driving my kids but after her 4th “no, I can’t I am too busy”, I decided not to ask again.
I understand the busyness of life and everything that goes with it. But in the process relationships get damaged as the message we are sending out is: “I don’t have time for you”. Do you make time for your spouse, your children, your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues? I am busy too, very busy, but I MAKE TIME for relationships. Social connections and engagement is critical for survival and as important as food and shelter. It is through our social connections that we feel appreciated, loved and validated.
I think there are two sides to this crazy coin.
We are our own worst enemies and we pile unnecessary things onto ourselves and our children. We think the more we can fit in, the better. Read this fabulous blog on the disease of being busy. What do we need to take from this: less is more – less also means more quality! We have lost the capacity to be still, quiet and in the moment.
Technology is to blame! We are in an “always on” mode and do not know how to and when to switch off. Of course technology has opened amazing doors for us and our children but it has caused a crazy, busy, overloaded world. We’ve become addicted to our information giving devices – technology is actually overtaking humanity.
I don’t think the solutions are simple. It is not always possible to slow down, never mind trying to stop this busy, spiralling new way of living. We have to start small and capture tiny bits of time and opportunities to get more time for quality relationships. How about trying the following:
Make time, do less, cut the unnecessary stuff out of your life. LESS IS MORE!
Learn to switch off! The world will not come to an end when you do. Connect with your loved ones, friends and colleagues. Look them in the eye, listen to them and nurture your relationships. They really are important!
I was asked this during dinner conversation recently: Do women have egos? My immediate response was “NO, of course not” but it made me think long and hard afterwards. Was this an answer based on my personal perception or was I reflecting something about womanhood in general? My first, intuitive, gut “NO” response was driven by my primitive brain and can make us biased in our thinking and actions. Read Daniel Kahneman’s book; “Thinking fast and slow” to understand how many of our daily behaviors are driven by the intuitive, primitive brain. After reading this, I know how easy we can be fooled by ourselves and our own answers.
So what is ego then – having to make sense of this? Ego is easiest described as a reflection of a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. And if we look at psychology sources to understand the meaning of ego, then it is part and parcel of human nature and then yes, all women do have egos. HOWEVER, in most contexts ego is usually seen as negative and a way for people to boast, throw their weight around, stand their ground and have a strong competitive streak. And the question asked to me and answered with the intuitive no, was referring to this general negative ego.
So, I am going to stand by my answer of no and give you 5 reasons why I think women don’t have (negative) egos. Admittedly there are plenty of office witches and female bullies who certainly have huge egos, more scary than their male counterparts. We are not referring to them (they need blame and shame), but to women in general.
Please note that reading this comes with a huge disclaimer: I love men and have nothing against them. This is purely to highlight how we, as women are different, and (mostly) not driven by negative ego.
Five reasons why I think women don’t have negative egos
1. Estrogen vs. testosterone
Female behaviour is influenced by the hormone estrogen, while men are influenced by testosterone. Put a group of males together and the competitive streak will surface, wherever and whenever. It is always present, sometimes clearly and sometimes silently in the background, but they are always looking for a “winner”. The workings of estrogen in women create a natural sense of nurturing and caring. Negative egos stand in the way of caring and nurturing. Read the “Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine to understand more about the core drivers of the female brain.
2. Women are better listeners and communicators
Women have capacity to listen for longer and it is important to them to communicate effectively. They are usually more intuitive and open to people’s feelings and typically can sense when people are upset, angry or sad. They just naturally read non-verbal behaviour and nuances of others faster and easier. As
a result they will anticipate the needs of others and communicate accordingly. The saying “where women have intuition, men have logic” has been used extensively, and although criticized and not entirely true, it explains some of the core differences between the way women and men operate. Women also have logic and men have intuition but the reverse is more natural and intuitive.
3. Women bond more deeply
Women form deeper bonds with their female friends and nurture these relationships more. Girls nights out, book clubs, scrapbooking conventions, etc. come to mind. Particularly in our busy, overloaded worlds, it will become more and more important to make time for one another. Women give time, they engage and connect. They also receive the necessary reciprocity from their female friends. It is important to them.
4. Play hard, work harder
Women have to work harder to climb the corporate ladder than males. This is a known fact across the world, and I hope and believe that women know they cannot beat their male counterparts with negative ego. It is particularly their woman-ness used in a confident, assertive and competent way that will give them the edge. They don’t need negative ego. This is what makes them better in leadership positions. Organisations are driven by people not machines, women get this. They are people and solution focused – where it matters most.
5. Forces to be reckoned with
I came across this blog by female entrepreneur, Ayanda Mbanga, which sums up the differences between men and women in business pretty accurately. The World Economic Forum is also supporting the role of women in economic growth, social inclusion, gender parity and science and technology developments. Women (and mothers) are the central forces in families and communities. They combine all their natural skills and abilities to care, support, assist and lead. They have massive capacity to influence and change the world, and I believe they are. One day at a time.
Sensory Intelligence® in the workplace
With the above points in mind, the workplace can become quite a challenging place to manage, especially when it comes to the differences between how men and women operate in business.
Most training and recruitment procedures deal with the cognitive, upper brain level, ignoring the vital importance of the five basic senses and how we use these to process our world experiences and become who we are. Our Corporate Interventions take people through a process of understanding how they and others function in order to be more successful at work and in life. Our process is interactive and our solutions are not only easy to implement, but also practical and tangible, which adds immediate value.
We work with lateral thinkers, creative and resourceful leaders and organisations that truly value people and have a strong innovative, learning and development culture.
The results of our e-assessment product, the Sensory Matrix™, are then used in a fundamental and powerful way to understand each member of the team, improve cohesion and increase successful outcomes. With this information, we generate customised content for our workshops and focus on creating solutions for specific key areas such as:
– Leadership Development
– Communication and Engagement
– Change and Diversity
– Open Plan Office Dynamics
– Corporate Wellness
