“I don’t have time”

Posted: 20 May, 2016

By: Annemarie Lombard

Section: Relationships

I dont have time

Being too busy and having no time have become this ridiculously insane norm which leaves us all flustered, stressed, angry, irritable and tired.  This is relevant across all contexts – in your home, with your family, friends and colleagues.  This is not a contest people – the busiest person with the least amount of time doesn’t really win.  And what suffers the most?  Your relationships!

The quality of your relationships is actually the ONLY thing that shows you are leading a good, happy and contented life. If you had only one day to live – think – you will spend it with your loved ones, won’t you?  If you will go to work – then please stop reading right now and ignore this blog – you are lost!

I personally had some interesting experiences lately which left me saddened and grappling with this at the same time. Our Bookclub of 24 years is starting to disintegrate – we had two people this year “resigning”, saying that they are just too busy.  I needed specialist help from a close friend a few months ago and although she promised to help, she did not because she was too busy.

Another friend offered to assist with driving my kids but after her 4th “no, I can’t I am too busy”, I decided not to ask again.

I understand the busyness of life and everything that goes with it.  But in the process relationships get damaged as the message we are sending out is:  “I don’t have time for you”.  Do you make time for your spouse, your children, your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues?  I am busy too, very busy, but I MAKE TIME for relationships.  Social connections and engagement is critical for survival and as important as food and shelter.  It is through our social connections that we feel appreciated, loved and validated.

I think there are two sides to this crazy coin.

  1. We are our own worst enemies and we pile unnecessary things onto ourselves and our children.  We think the more we can fit in, the better.  Read this fabulous blog on the disease of being busy.   What do we need to take from this: less is more – less also means more quality!  We have lost the capacity to be still, quiet and in the moment.
  2. Technology is to blame!  We are in an “always on” mode and do not know how to and when to switch off.  Of course technology has opened amazing doors for us and our children but it has caused a crazy, busy, overloaded world.  We’ve become addicted to our information giving devices – technology is actually overtaking humanity.

I don’t think the solutions are simple. It is not always possible to slow down, never mind trying to stop this busy, spiralling new way of living.  We have to start small and capture tiny bits of time and opportunities to get more time for quality relationships.  How about trying the following:

  1. Make time, do less, cut the unnecessary stuff out of your life.  LESS IS MORE!
  2. Learn to switch off!  The world will not come to an end when you do.  Connect with your loved ones, friends and colleagues.  Look them in the eye, listen to them and nurture your relationships.  They really are important!