Category: Parenting

Moms and the Elusive Balancing Act

“I want to be a balanced mom, but I just don’t know how!” Does this sound familiar?

In the modern busy lifestyle that we lead today, mothers ironically have to juggle their balancing acts more and more. Moms are in constant demand to ensure that all family members are happy and healthy, that their kids are developing, and to meet other work/life deadlines.

In 2012, the Pew Research Centre published the following statistics:

• 56% of mothers are feeling stressed about juggling work and family life; and
• 40% of mothers say that they always feel rushed.

These are quite significant results. Although this is a reality, we so easily slip into feeling over-stressed, which can and does have a major effect on our health and wellbeing. While stressful events around us may not change, we need to learn how to respond skilfully to life’s challenges, to maintain equilibrium and a sense of wellbeing.

Take time to include “me’’

As a mom, you play such an integral part in your family system. Your health and wellbeing is therefore just as important to consider as the rest of your family’s. If you break down, the entire family unit suffers. There is one very important component that needs to be considered daily in order to maintain a balance within your body and to ensure your vitality and wellbeing. That is being aware of and fulfilling your sensory needs.

Perhaps you need more movement in your day and you are not getting enough of it. Perhaps you need less noise in your day, but are struggling to achieve this. Some people find that going to gym is de-stressing, but others don’t. Why is this? We all have unique sensory preferences and tolerances to sensory input. What activities calm down some people may not effectively calm you down. Gaining awareness of your sensory needs will enable you to choose the relevant and appropriate de-stressing activities for you as an individual.

One of the common tips that various blogs or websites recommend when trying to de-stress and finding a better work/life balance, is that you need to make more “me” time. This is vital. But what is the best thing for you to do with your “me” time?

Make sure that you do at least one thing each day that calms you down and allows you to “regroup”. Maybe you need to do something midday before you fetch your kids from school or in the late afternoons before dinner time or just at the end of the day. It may be difficult to find time for yourself, especially when having to juggle so many different balls at once.

With better time management, commitment, routine and an agreement with your other half to allow you this extra time once a day/week, it may be more possible to find time to meet your own sensory needs. This doesn’t have to take long, but needs to be effective enough that it de-stresses you sufficiently.

There are at least two types of daily/weekly sensory aids that can help you achieve greater equilibrium. They are:

1. Sensory snacks are small “snacks” or activities that are incorporated into your day, such as drinking out of a sports bottle, chewing on gum or other crunchy or chewy foods, practicing deep breathing, or squeezing a stress ball; and
2. Sensory meals are more meaningful activities that can be introduced into your day or week that meet your sensory needs. Maybe you need to go to gym, go for a walk, take time to read, do a pottery class, or go for coffee with a friend.

When an activity meets your sensory needs, it will calm your body, stimulate your mind, make you feel happy and help decrease your stress levels. Including more calming activities in your daily routine will help you be calmer and more regulated so that you are better able to attend to your family’s ever increasing needs.

Sensory Intelligence® Consulting offers individual coaching sessions to help individuals who want to learn more about their sensory irritations, who are feeling sensory overloaded or easily stressed, or who are struggling to juggle all their roles to achieve a better work-life balance.

Contact us today for more information or take our free Sensory Quiz for the first step in gaining a better understanding of your own unique sensory assess

Just when you thought you had all your silly season shopping done and dusted and that you would not have to put a foot back into a shopping mall again until at least March, you remembered about the long list of stationery and clothing requirements that needed to get ticked off before sending the kids off to school! And you can’t help but wonder “how did we ever get through school with just a pen, pencil, eraser and sharpener?’’

Luckily most of the mad rush to get ready for going back to school has mercifully passed in a mad frenzy, but after three weeks of being laid back, dipping toes into sand and generally just soaking up the sun, it is tough for anyone to get back into the swing of things. For little ones the challenge can be even more frightening as going back to school often comes with a whole lot of unpredictability and uncertainty. It is useful to keep this in mind, listen to your child’s concerns about going back to school and to help them unpack and process as much as possible, while also being aware of and managing your own anxiety. It is useful to plan for the transition and provide as much structure and predictability from your side as possible:

• Routine is key to a healthy, happy school going child – be sure to have a clear routine and expectations surrounding this routine in the form of a visible roster
• Talk to your children about the new teacher or children that may be in their class
• Your child may like to go to school with a school journal to draw events that happen during the school day or write them down to tell you when they get home
• Try not to miss out on movement and play when they return to school – schedule regular movement breaks during homework time
• Set aside time to spend with your children and chat to them about what happened in their school day – – make a point of getting them to tell you their highs and lows of the day to avoid getting one-word answers like “fine’’.

What if my child refuses to go to school?

As adults, we reminisce about how easy life was back when we went to school. Things were amazingly simple. The reality of our children may however not be that simple anymore. Our children’s lives have become increasingly complex as a result of a range of external factors, as well as feelings and thoughts that can lead to utterances such as: “school is hard’’, “I don’t want to go to school’’, and even “I hate school’’. These are not statements that should merely be shrugged off as they could be indicative of something that is making your child unhappy and insecure at school.

Most parents have at one time or other seen their children in an emotional state about not wanting to go to school. It is not easy to reason with a child who is consistently refusing to go to school. Refusing to go to school is very different to being truant. It is a challenge for both parents and teachers.

School avoidance can be as a result of a variety of factors:

• Social – no friends, moving home and school, bullying, teasing
• Worry and anxiety – about doing badly in a test, being laughed at, not coping with school, not being liked, separation anxiety and so forth
• Learning and processing difficulties – hard to pay attention, hard to read or write, not finishing work on time, not keeping up with work, difficulty with sensory processing

So what can you do as a parent?

• Acknowledge your child’s anxiety – let them know that they are heard and that their concerns matter to you
• Stay calm – by showing your child that you too are anxious and upset, will only serve to increase their anxiety
• Use clear and calm statements to let your child know that you expect him or her to go to school, for example:
  • “When you go to school today”
  • “It’s time to get out of bed”
  • “Brush your teeth, we are leaving in 15 minutes”
• Do not use statements such as the following that give your child options to say no to school:
  • “Are you going to school today?” or;
  • “Are you feeling okay?”
• Plan for a calm start to the day – pack school bags and lunches the night before as routine will help your child feel positive about going to school
• Help your child to stay with sleep and wake routines – children need ample rest and sleep in order to function and cope at school
• Praise your child when they go to school – “I know that this is hard for you, and I am very proud of you for going to school”
• Make home very boring during school time, if your child does stay at home – no TV, computers, internet, game consoles, gadgets, or other ‘’fun stuff’’
• At all times, if possible, DO NOT let your child stay at home. Our natural response to something scary is fight or flight. Staying at home is avoiding and running away from the situation, which only gives immediate and temporary relief, thus not allowing your child to learn coping and regulation strategies. Avoidance makes the fear stronger; it is okay to get your child to school while working out what is upsetting him or her
• Contact the school and your child’s teacher, you need them and they need you. Inquire about any changes that may have happened and likewise, inform teachers of major life changes in your child’s life. If other issues such as depression, anxiety or learning problems are of concern, please seek professional help.

Give your child regulation strategies to help calm the nervous system:

• Deep pressure, like a big bear hug
• Deep breathing
• Crunchy lunch box snacks
• Sucking sweets or drinking water from a sports bottle with a spout
• Allowing for a movement break
• Carrying a backpack
• Prepare your child in advance, if you can, of any changes in routine, outings or substitute teachers

As a parent, you need to look after yourself too! Get enough rest, exercise and take time for yourself, and don’t put the burden of self-blame upon yourself – we cannot fix everything for our children.

We went hunting for some great resources and tips for you:

Healthy lunch box ideas and recipes (Munchkins)
Homework tips (Kids Health)
Teen Depression (Erika’s Lighthouse)
Printable Routine Charts (Pinterest)

We are passionate about empowering parents to help their children. We take complex problems and simplify them into easy and practical solutions that make sense. Our seminars are interactive and facilitated by skilled and competent therapists or educators who are parents themselves.