Stress is going to kill us all

I met with a client last week. I was sitting in front of this beautiful, successful, young business woman. She runs a tight operation for a large corporate team and escalated their profit margins significantly. She is creative and innovative and very much in touch with what goes on. She asks questions and challenges her team consistently. She asked me to do a proposal for a quick and practical stress management process for her staff.

Through the success and commitment to her job I sense her urgency and a separate cry for help. She has a gorgeous young son who is suffering from a range of learning and developmental problems, she is worried and anxious for his current wellbeing and future. She supports him, encourages him and emotionally lifts him up to the next level consistently. She has done everything in her power and more to help him. My therapist hat was put on immediately – a default zone I so easily slip into as I worked with children with learning problems for many years (in my previous life). I pointed her in certain directions for professional help for her son but then refocused my energy on her as a person.

There is such turmoil and pressure of having to be the best in so many places and I asked – what about you? How do you cope? She says she does but in my heart I know that she is on the edge and frayed at the edges. Stress, commitment and pressure are rife in her life. She works nights, weekends; she always works; between caring for her family and children. She admits to being impatient and screaming at times…boy can I associate with that…as working mothers (mwah myself) we have to revert to being somewhat animalistic in order to survive and just keep on going.

How can I let this beautiful woman see herself from my shoes? That it would be virtually impossible to maintain her current pace and levels without taking time out and just do something for herself?! I find in general that we have become so absolutely disengaged from ourselves, our worlds and our needs. We (I count myself in) are on this rollercoaster ride of living, working and being but have we lost the core sense of being??? I went into rescue/strategy mode and suggested she takes a daily 10 minute pause – remove herself (anywhere quiet and alone) and just “be”, breathe and relax for 10 minutes.

Only 10 minutes out of a day cannot be too much to ask, I believe, which can be the definitive factor for us to continue successfully? And then stop working during weekends….. I did that years ago and only in absolute necessity would put my computer on during weekends……she doesn’t. She keeps on working. I am writing this to her, to myself (I am guilty too, apart from weekend working) and to so many people out there that I see on a daily basis being in this exact position. Stop and see where we are at. Just do that first. It is acknowledging the space that we are in. If the above is true for you, just be mindful that it is unhealthy and not sustainable. We have to balance these crazy lifestyles with the easy, good, quiet, joyful things in life as well.

Stress will kill us all.  The World Health Organisation states stress as the biggest killer of the 21st century. Refuse to be part of this statistic. Live life sensationally….

PS. I checked…she is not taking those precious 10 minutes, but I promise to keep on trying….

Team building with a difference

Does your team tick or get ticked off?

Being part of a group is an inherent need of humans. People need people to feel safe, validated, needed, useful and important. A cohesive group should meet the needs of each group member, and should have similar goals and strategies to meet these needs. But what of being different to the group? What of standing apart because of inherent personal differences in the way one thinks, conducts ones business, raises ones children? Research has shown that being left out or marginalised leaves people feeling emotionally hurt akin to physiological pain.

There is safety in numbers – it is easier to be the same, do the same, and say the same things, than standalone upholding personal values or belief systems. Understanding fundamental differences in one another is key to overcoming the group –individual disconnect. These differences are more often than not at a more basic level that what is obvious, and originate in our individual sensory substructure. Our behaviours in response to environmental factors, people and how they react to us take root in response to our sensory interpretation of the world and govern how we interact with people around us.

This is true of any group – never more so than in a camping- holiday- with- friends context. The need to be included on the holiday is the overarching need for all members of the group. This done, the group contrives to make rules about who shops; the menu; who camps where and what is scheduled for each day. Thus the ground work is laid either for a happy or frustrating 10 days depending on which side of the sensory fence one sits…. The intrinsic nature of the members is extremely diverse, from the pedantically organised to the laid back and carefree! This does not bode well for a happy holiday, unless people understand what their fundamental differences are, what makes people tick and what ticks them off.

So whilst some couples are highly organised and do what they can to, organise everyone to fit into their regimen of exercise, meal times and bed times, others are spontaneous, flexible, take the day as it comes, change plans to suit the situation. A ticking time bomb, a powder keg waiting for a spark! Instead of these factors becoming larger than the holiday itself, the individuals should be able to stand back and recognise that their needs for organisation and relaxation can be accomplished together. This would require some honest discussion on the matter, but in real relationships, this is difficult to address without becoming critical and personal of individuals. Enter the role of sensory assessment to better understand and communicate sensory needs: by understanding that the boot campers are in fact struggling with the naturally disorganised context of a camping holiday, the more relaxed parties could be less irritated by their inflexibility. Similarly, the inflexible members could understand that being carefree does not mean careless and could be encouraged to trust that things can be done differently to their preferred methods. Understanding how better to regulate oneself sensory thresholds by implementing simple change and strategy would go a long way to ease the tension.

And so it is in teams of all descriptions: individuals bring to the table different skill sets, different personalities, different strengths and weaknesses. The strength of the team lies in its diversity, not its sameness. By learning to recognise our differences and embrace these as unique qualities to build the experience of the team, the team dynamics become more energised and synergistic leading to greater more fulfilling outcomes than would be achieved pulling in different directions. Consider then, the possibilities for your teams, working with refined, exciting sensory knowledge of what makes them tick rather than what ticks them off!

If you want to know how your teams are wired, do they tick or tick off, contact us for mind-blowing, powerful, yet practical team building with a difference!