On the other hand, I had been through a year of intense stress. In striving for an unattainable level of “perfection”, I caused myself immense anxiety related to the wedding details and striving to maintain perfection at work (ironically, work demands were at an all-time high). In addition to this, working 8 to 5 in a large corporate environment, and spending between 10 and 15 hours commuting each week, moving house, travelling frequently, trying to find time to exercise and eat healthily in preparation for the wedding, along with countless other stressors, I became burned out. I spent many nights wide awake, my mind spinning with to do lists so long I could not even fathom where to start. I often became paralyzed by my mental chatter, worrying about so many things at once. At the time, the best way I could describe it to my fiancé was that I had so many “tabs” open in my head that I had run out of mental “bandwidth.” I spiralled into a cycle of terrible anxiety and insomnia.

For an introvert and a perfectionist such as myself, juggling so many competing priorities caused mental and physical strain. Coming back to my baseline level of anxiety (which is naturally still well above the average) was a challenge. For a while life did not slow down and I continued to feel like I was being pulled in all directions. My head was so full and my time so limited that moments of quiet were few and far between, yet I desperately craved time to process things and reflect. The smallest sounds were physically painful for me to tolerate – a loud cellphone ring in the office, a car hooting in traffic, trucks driving down the road outside my home – I became reactive and easily distracted by everything in my environment and could not focus. Instinctively, all I wanted during this time was to be in a quiet, dark room where I could close my eyes and get away from all sensory stimulation. During the process of moving house, I felt like I was drowning in all the “things” around me – clutter and “stuff” became unbearable to deal with and I felt an intense need for order and tidiness in my home. We had also moved into a new office building and I found that the fluorescent lights made me feel dizzy and nauseous. The overall busyness of life left me feeling like a (frazzled) robot and I started to feel myself slipping into “auto-pilot” mode. I felt as if I had exhausted all resources; mental, emotional, and physical, and that I had very little energy left for the important people and activities in my life.

In search of some relief, I came across Annemarie Lombard’s book “Sensory Intelligence”. It was here I learned that I am extremely “Sensory Sensitive”, becoming overstimulated very easily by my external environment. Finally, everything started to make sense – I felt like a sponge absorbing every little detail of what was happening around me. Furthermore, I knew that others around me were not experiencing life in this way. I became more and more aware of the essential, inherent need that I have to be alone, and to have space, peace and quiet in my day to restore my energy and centre myself. It is in retrospect that I learned that for me personally, this is a critical need, as important as breathing. I realised that my current lifestyle and environment caused me to be on high alert constantly – driving far distances, travelling through industrial areas, working around lots of loud personalities, having too much interaction and too many meetings, too many commitments and trying to juggle too many balls simultaneously without having any down time.

Over months of soul searching, I have been able to identify the daily stressors and frustrations that were leaving me with limited resources. Through this process, I have faced overwhelming fear, taken some major leaps of faith and made drastic life changes. This year I have taken steps to create a lifestyle that suits my needs – one where I am able to work independently and have much more space in my day for quiet, deep, creative work and alone time for reflection and meditation. I use noise cancelling headphones when working and listen to calming jazz, classical music or nature sounds. I have set up a practice room 2 minutes from home – no longer having to deal with the stress and noise of travelling long distances has had a massive impact on my mental well-being. I now go to shopping centres and the gym at times of the day when I know it will be quiet with fewer people around and I spend more time outside in nature. I also sleep with a weighted blanket and ear plugs which help to calm me at night. I am now feeling more myself than I have in a long time and I have so much more energy and mental clarity. I feel like understanding my Sensory Profile was the missing puzzle piece that finally gave me the push I needed to create a lifestyle that works for me.”

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