Category: Parenting

The sound of a revving engine and screeching brakes alerts me to the fact that my last client of the day has arrived. My little client, Sean, runs into the practice with mom Andrea hot on his heels, trying to wipe the dirt off his face to no avail! “Eeeeee…boommmm…crrrrrash…..” he heads straight for the large beanbag. Just in time, I grab Sean to prevent him from obtaining a head-injury by rolling forward on the therapy ball headed for the floor. Andrea looks absolutely exhausted and I can see disorganization written all over her face!!

Sean is a sensory seeker, who crashes, jumps and bumps into anything on his path, which explains the bruises on Andrea’s legs! In addition, he touches, chews and smells anything he can lay his hands on, so Andrea needs to constantly be in a high-alert state to ensure that Sean does not put anything dangerous in his mouth, up his nose or into his ears. This of course, raises her levels of anxiety as she is constantly in a state of fight-or-flight mode. Other than providing Sean with the sensory input he so regularly needs, what kind of sensory input does Andrea need to organize herself? She is aware that she constantly feels overwhelmed and that she is always running late for appointments! Although this may be the feeling of many a parent, it can be especially overwhelming for a parent with a child who constantly seeks sensory input. As a parent, whether you are a sensory seeker or a sensory avoider, you need different kinds of sensory input at different times of the day than what your child needs.

What on earth is Andrea to do?
One type of sensory input that has both a calming and organizing effect on the nervous system is known as proprioceptive input. This type of input can be given in lots of different ways that will benefit both child and parent. Deep pressure bear hugs, wrestling and pillow fights may be a very effective way to fulfill both parent and child needs. Whilst giving the hug, the parent receives just as much proprioceptive input as the child. Parent and child can both roll in a duvet alongside each other, pretending to be caterpillars or playing tug-of-war with a towel before bath time. Whilst doing chores, such as cooking or washing, involve your child in these activities. Loading washing into the machine, grating the cheese or turning the salad spinner (even if you have to go and buy a salad spinner just for this purpose!), he or she receives deep pressure input. Gardening is a great way of incorporating proprioceptive input. Think: carrying the hosepipe, digging a hole or pushing the wheelbarrow around. At the same time, we can really give positive input and build his self-esteem: You are such a good gardener, salad maker and washing loader!

So what do we do if our child is a tactile seeker? Should one not feel comfortable with messy play in the house? There are other “cleaner” options such as shaving foam on the bathroom tiles, a feely box (which can be made out of scrap material) or a beanbag made out of fluffy material, a rice box where objects can be hidden or stress balls (balloons filled with flour or play dough). Of course the stress ball idea applies to both parent and child!

According to Carol Stock Kranowitz, author of The Out-of-Sync Child, The Seven Drops can be a very useful tool to use when your child is experiencing a difficult day. I do feel that even if your child is not having a bad day, the Seven Drops can be put to good use in order to prevent over-stimulation of either child or mom!
These are:
1. Drop your voice
2. Drop your body
3. Drop your TV remote
4. Drop your guard
5. Drop your defenses
6. Drop your batteries
7. Drop your misconception that fun is frivolous

Andrea, my wish for you is that next Friday afternoon you will arrive on time, with a stress ball in hand.

* Of course names are changed for confidentiality purposes!!*

The third week into Grade 0 has given me just a little more insight into the realities of being a (working!!) mom. Managing the early morning rush (yes, sometimes eating breakfast, brushing teeth, applying sunscreen and make-up in the car!!), the afternoon routine and the preparations for the next day is a mammoth task. A good friend once gave me some valuable advice. He said that the day before usually determines the successes for the next day. Hence, the night before we lay out clothes, put bags and extra-mural equipment in the car, lay the table for breakfast and place all that is needed for making lunches on the kitchen counter. Useful advice ensuring the morning rush runs seamless and smooth, ensuring a happy and predictable day for both child and parent!

Alas, this is only one part of the day …. The best part of my day as a parent is pick-up time from school … Hence the disappointment when the response comes as “Nothing…” upon enquiring about your child’s day!! “And who did you play with today?”(Mom).” No one wanted to play with me.” (huge concern, did my child not have a happy day?)

A child’s day consists of so many different types of sensory input, which will cumulatively affect his or her little mood. Hence the often empty response upon your arrival! Children are often still processing their day and often as a parent we do not get the desired happy response we would like!  It is therefore so valuable to “read” your child’s mood and sensory levels at the end of the day, which will guide you in meeting your child’s needs at that moment, preparing you for the afternoon ahead.

Some children who have low thresholds may first need some quiet time. (Me-time as us moms call it!). Playing calm music in the car on the way home or using a lap beanbag for deep pressure may provide just the sensory input your child needs in order to refocus again. They typically are also the ones who explode as soon as they reach home – as they don the safety net of home, the wheels come off and they fly off the handle. This is the time where you have to count to 10 and allow them “letting go of all that heaped up emotions”. Being in their rooms to just play, lie down or cuddle a favorite toy can do wonders to prepare for the rest of the afternoon. Again, give them space, talk calmly and let them chill for a bit.

Other children may need some movement input in order to modulate their brain levels and will therefore benefit from having a movement break such as riding a bike or jumping on a trampoline (sorry for you if you are tired, mom!!)

Understanding your child’s sensory levels in the afternoon before commencing homework can make homework time a whole lot more productive and meaningful. What are the types of input we can provide?  Herewith some tips for sensory –smart homework time!

Children who have low thresholds, are sensitive and over-responsive to sensory input may need some quiet time before homework, which may include lying down in a quiet corner with soft cushions/beanbags or a tent. The following strategies could be useful:

• Maintain a fairly quiet and calm atmosphere at home. If this is not possible (because brother may be a sensory seeker!) use headphones or white noise types of background music. Create a workspace that is visually and auditory calming. Carefully consider the color of your child’s workspace, clutter and background noises.
• Self-calming devices such as a heavy lap-beanbag or a weighted vest could be used during homework time or a rocking chair during paired reading.
• Create a predictable homework schedule with stickers to indicate when a task is completed.
• Try to minimize your child’s afternoon activities and carefully consider whether the activities create anxiety, over-stimulation or whether they are calming. Swimming often has a calming effect on children, while a team sport such as rugby will be over-stimulating. This could greatly influence your child’s participation in homework later on in the afternoon!

Children who have high thresholds and are sensory seekers (busy, moving, talking) will benefit from the following strategies during homework time:

• Movement breaks such as: Jumping on a trampoline after each task is completed, rolling from one end to the other end of the room to fetch a different colored crayon, a climbing rope for breaks.
• Allow your child to use finger fidgets or play with rubber bands during a sedentary task such as reading.
• Organize your child’s work-space in a predictable manner such as labeling the drawers or containers and minimize clutter. However, allow change such as a different sitting place at the desk or changing the order in which tasks are approached. On a whiteboard or blackboard, draw a symbol of each task that needs to be completed and let your child wipe it off or spray with a water spray-can as he completes each task.

Generally speaking:

• Set enough time aside for home and be present, this will speed up the process. Multitasking and doing other stuff simultaneously will make it more difficult.
• Use a quiet and calm space consistently so that children have an association that this is serious focus time to do work.
• Sticking with the same time will also help to create a routine – stuff we all thrive by in order to get everything done.
• Use a timer/watch so that children learn using their time well which will also help them to be focused on the task.
• While children need chill time after school, don’t leave homework till late at night; everyone is going to be tired and you are going to make it worse.
• If you as a mom is just juggling too many things and homework turns into a nightmare with fighting, crying and huge emotions, explore alternatives. Can you get someone to help? The stress of having to go into a “teacher-role” is sometimes destroying mother-child relationships and just not worth it.

I don’t know about you, but when we arrive at school in the morning I often have this feeling (after the breakfast, sunscreen, teeth and coffee) that I have just landed an aeroplane!!! (Which is sometimes the only way to get there on time!) However, it is not the best way and may add to anxiety and frustration even before the day has started! So, I would like to wish you a year in which you can spend time with your child doing homework in a calm, controlled and contained manner without the feeling that you have just landed an aeroplane in a war zone!

Happy homework!!